Old bookstore, I thank you

I stumbled upon the bookstore of my dreams in Anvers (Antwerpen), Countless stacks of books I wanted to look through for hours. I was inspired to create a list of books to dive into this summer. This list will probably change and grow, but for now it rests as this and I can not wait to find my old bookstore in Oregon. 

An Ordinary Man

Paul Rusesabagina

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Ernest Hemingway

Mountains Beyond Mountains

Tracey Kidder

Fear & Loathing On The Campaign Trail

Hunter S. Thompson

The Berlin Stories

Christopher Isherwood

The Catcher In the Rye

JD Salinger

Dog Soldiers

Robert Stone

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Ken Kesey

The Sun Also Rises

Ernest Hemingway

Light in August

Faulkner

Accepting Tomorrow.

What does it mean to live,

or better yet, 

How does it truly feel?

Is it something to always be searching for?

Or is it the now?

The feeling of lasting bonds between once strangers,

Soon departures,

The trains to nowhere
 that transform into endless nights,

Laughter, 

Crying tears of happiness
which can not be shed through words,

Blank canvas turned into memories
 painted in living color.

The feeling of being exactly where I belong,

No fear,

Grasping onto life, Soaking it in.

No longer merely EXISTING, 

But, FEELING.

Feeling every emotion, every breath,

The earth beneath my bare feet

Which sings a song that only I can dance to,

I alone, and can share,

As others share with me,

Creating endless rhythms, 

Pulsing,

Loving,

Experiencing.

Truly FEELING.

For when I truly feel it all, 

I find meaning.

I do not need to search,

but rather explore.

Living is everywhere, I want to feel it.

Leaving a place with changed vision,

Changed thoughts,

I have no regret, 

nor sorrow for the "see you laters" 

Shadowing over today's last joys.

I am ready for it all, 

Each place I go or return to,

It is all a new place to explore,

To discover what I couldn't feel when I left.

LIFE, 

I will feel you,

Discover you,

Strip you of vanities,

and above all,

LIVE you.

For living is to feel.

It is no longer my eyes that see,

but my soul.

xx

No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all.

54, the number of days left in Belgium. 54 days rest to seize every opportunity I see in my mind. 54 seems so promising, but when counting days, 54 if a pile of 54 grains of sand slowly running through the hollows between my fingertips. Those spaces hold so much. They hold my love, creativity, and capacity for self-improvement. Maybe if I grasp your hand tighter, and hope a little stronger, these grains of time I fear so much will stay on the shore of every green field I pass by, and rest in the eyes of familiar faces. Keeping strong hold of all of these places.

Je pense (dans le train) donc; Je suis:

This blank page does not reflect my thoughts;
which pour through my open mind.
Green waves crush that of which I’ve passed in time.

Riding in cars with strangers...

Just around the corner

She asked me,

"Where are you going?"

To the stone wall bridge

To the butter-topped field

Where the wind will carry

Fluttering guilt

A barefoot dash

Do you see those burnt stacks?

Right past my thoughts

The air is clear

False autumn breeze

Crisp, yet fair

Somewhere to share

Yes, I am going there,

Or could it be here?

Fall back

One becomes six

We speak in the silence

of a blank stare.

Sigh of disappointment

Breath of fear

"Just around the corner,

Just a little past there..."

The Journey is the Reward.

I’m learning to stop and smell the roses—to always appreciate every piece of beauty the world has to offer for what it is, and for what it all creates together as a whole. To breathe and let go completely. Whether I want it to or not, Life goes on. While I want the moments to tangibly last forever, so that I can feel them as if they’re happening right in front of me.. they won’t. I have the memories I’ve created with every single person that has had an affect on my life, and has shaped me into what I am on this grey-sky day in Belgium. Those memories are a beautiful thing, and although not tangible, those alone will last forever and live vividly in my mind. I have no words to describe the pure happiness I feel, and how alive I am. The flame of my new passion for life has been lit, and it will keep burning as long as I am alive.

In the month of April I stepped onto an overheated 70-passenger bus with plenty of other eager exchange students looking forward to 10 days in a place called Greece. After hours on the road passing through France, Switzerland, and Italy we finally made it onto the boat which would take us to a country of olive oil, old ruins, and chicken with frites. The boat was only the beginning of unforgettable nights on the voyage of our lives. Sailing through the Mediterranean, our minds filled with expectations for the next 9 days that were to follow.
I still remember the exact feeling as if it were yesterday, perched on a rock looking down from Meteora after a not so safe hike through trees, bushes, and a trail we ourselves created.

After another night of packing, and heading out again on the bus which drove us not only crazy, but near a beach where under the moonlight and the stars we plunged into the salt water in whatever we had with us. A night which we wanted to last forever was followed by a morning crossing the sea to a small Island named Hydra, she was small and had a day full of adventure to offer me. I was greeted by the smiling faces of locals who were more than happy to share a laugh, and tell me of their days being stationed in Oregon. Through the flowers and the hills, I again found myself in a place I’ll never forget with someone near and dear to me. Breathing and soaking in the moment for everything it was. No fear for the future or regrets from the past, just the moment.. pure and simple in all it’s fascination.

Hours turned to minutes on the two-level bus as it became our moving home. Sounds of a soft ukulele still play in my mind.  We ended up in a place, Delphi. I wonder how many people knew that it was once all covered by water? Our tour guide was patient with a group of young adults, not yet trained to listen. With years of history all around us we saw some of the worlds most well known, beautiful man-made structures. And somewhere in there, I met a man named Ralph, who was once a man named Voldemort in a fairly well-known film.

 

Greece:
The places I will never forget, and the people who have changed my life forever.

Past 3 months in Belgium

I’ll start by being completely honest in saying that I’ve just been too lazy to write in my blog and apologizing for my lack of motivation to write in my free time. Thanks to my mother who never fails to tell me that I need to update it, I’ve finally gotten around to it… 3 months later. Now that that’s out of the way I’ll fill you in on my Belgian life by months.

December:
The first two weeks were exams at my school, and since I’m an exchange student I only had to take two (which I of course failed) so I spent my time with other exchange students going out while the Belgians studied and acted prestigiously. The Christmas festivities may have just been non-existent because there isn’t the “Christmas spirit” feeling here, and I heard too many people refer to Santa Clause as a pedophile. Needless to say I still wore my “I believe in Santa Clause” shirt. On Christmas Eve I spent the day with my family and we ate bunny, not my most favorite thing in the world, but I ate it all the same. It was a good weekend with my family. The last week of vacation I went to Bruges with my host parents and Ashley to see the ice sculptures,  they were incredible, and everything was made of ice… even the bar! I left for a few days to a small cabin in the southern part of Belgium, it was REALLY cold, but a good end to the break.

January:
For New Year’s Eve I went to Brussels and went out to the cafes and watched fireworks, and stayed up all night. We didn’t make it home till 1 o’clock in the afternoon… it took a lot of sleep to recover from the night. I turned 18 and celebrated with some Australians that I met that day and went out super late, and I had to go to school the next day which wasn’t they best thing ever but I made it through the day. That weekend I moved to my 2nd host family and I have been having the best time there. I have no complaints about life here.

February:
February was absolutely wonderful because I went to Ireland for a weekend, I ended up with 2 hours of sleep during the whole 3 days but it was so worth it. We took a tour to some other cities outside of Dublin and saw Castles and Churches, and took a tour of the Jameson distillery. One of the best weekends of my trip. I visited a few museums with my family and with school I visited a concentration camp near Brussels, which was definitely something I won’t ever forget. I still go to Brussels every Wednesday afternoon and meet up with other exchange students.

As of now, I am having the time of my life and I wouldn’t change my situation for anything. I am loving the life I’m living and there’s still so much more to come in the next 4 months. I had to book my ticket home and it was such a strange feeling, I feel like everything is going by way too fast! This week I don’t have school because it’s the “carnival week” so I’ll be going to the carnival for mardi gras and Thursday I leave for England!

I’d like to promise that I’ll keep updating this regularly from now on… but chances are I’ll forget. So! Until next time, Have a good March everyone.

xx

Happy Thanksgiving!

So here in Europe know one quite understands the extent people go to celebrate the holidays in America. I explained to them "Black Friday" but they think it's just a normal day with clearanced items. I will show them pictures of stores tomorrow. Also, after I was finished making a very life-like picture of a turkey today... nobody knew what it was! Today I miss my family and friends and I will especially during the next month to come, being it the Christmas season, which is my favorite of all time. The Christmas music here just doesn't have the same holiday spirit. Therefore, I'm burning a CD with all of my favorite holiday tunes. Today it started to snow on my way home from school for the first time since I've been here. It would have been great but a 30 minute slightly uphill walk in heels isn't the way I wanted to finish my 7 hour school day. However I'm now enjoying the snow covered neighborhood with a cup of hot chocolate and good company!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone,
and enjoy waking up way too early for Black Friday ;)